Author: Acquire@pos

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 5:5-6

He is such a weakling!”

Someone unfamiliar with the laws of lashon hara might consider this a perfectly proper statement. “What did I say wrong? He is the nicest person I know — but he is a weakling!”

Such a statement is lashon hara if it could harm the person’s chances to earn a livelihood. The Chofetz Chaim offers two examples when this is possible: where the subject is a hired laborer or a rebbi.

No one would want to hire a laborer who is a weakling. And many principals would not want to hire a rebbi who is a weakling. It is often hard to find a good substitute for a rebbi and a principal might think that “a weakling” is more likely to miss school because of illness.

“He doesn’t earn a living — I know that for a fact.”

When word spreads that someone “is not earning a living,” others will be reluctant to loan him money. In both these cases, “If this will be publicized in the city,” says the Chofetz Chaim, “no one will want to extend credit to him, and this will cause him great harm and aggravation. This will affect his very existence — literally.”

As we have noted previously, if such information needs to be told l’to’eles (for a constructive purpose), then seven conditions, which will be discussed later, must be met.

“On the average day, he studies Torah for about three hours.”

“You can expect a $36 donation from him — that’s what he usually gives.”

Are such statements lashon hara? It depends about whom they are spoken.

To say that a man who works from 9:00 to 5:00 studies Torah for three hours a day is a great compliment. But if we are speaking about someone who is supposedly a full-time yeshivah student, then this statement indicates that something is amiss.

For a person who earns a modest living, a $36 donation is nice. But for a billionaire, it indicates stinginess.

When deciding whether or not a statement is lashon hara, we should follow Rambam’s rule: Any statement that can cause a person physical or financial harm; frighten him, or distress him, is lashon hara.

“What’s wrong with saying that he never gives a donation larger than $36? Neither do I!”

This is flawed logic, says the Chofetz Chaim. Perhaps the speaker is not ashamed to say this, because everyone knows that this is the most he can afford. The person of whom he is speaking, on the other hand, might be expected to give more.

Even if everyone knows that both men have identical jobs and earn the same amount of money, this does not necessarily permit such a statement, if people would expect them to give more. The fact that a person is not embarrassed by something does not grant him a license to say it about someone else.

IN A NUTSHELL

Never refer to someone as a “weakling” or say that he does less than would be expected of someone of his status. Being unashamed of your own faults does not give you the right to say that others possess these same faults.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 5:2-4

“He’s a nice person, but he’s not that bright.”

“I’ve seen better contractors than him.”

“The rav knows what he needs to know for everyday she’eilos (halachic questions), but when it comes to a difficult piece of Gemara, he runs into problems.”

The Chofetz Chaim informs us that many people, out of sheer ignorance, are apt to make such comments, not realizing that such statements are pure lashon hara.

Lashon hara is any statement that either is derogatory or can cause the person harm is lashon hara. Can anyone honestly say that the statement “He’s not that bright” is not derogatory? In the Chofetz Chaim’s words:

I ask you, my brother: If you would discover, beyond any doubt, that someone announced publicly that you are not bright, wouldn’t you have a grievance against him? You would think to yourself, “What sign of foolishness did he see in me [that caused him to say this about me]? His statement is nothing more than an expression of his wickedness, and an indication that he is a baal lashon hara.”

All three examples above can cause the person irreparable damage. To say that someone is “not so bright” can hurt his shidduch opportunities. If he is married, it can lower his esteem in the eyes of his wife and in-laws. It can hurt his chances to find a job.

What if you are asked information about someone who applied for a teaching job and in your opinion, that person is “not so bright”? Such a situation has to be handled with great sensitivity; perhaps a halachic authority should be consulted. This is because your personal opinion about the person’s intelligence may not necessarily be correct. If it is correct, it does not guarantee that the person is not qualified for the teaching position. Perhaps he has many other great qualities, and with proper lesson-planning he will make a fine teacher.

“I’ve seen better contractors than him.” This statement can cause the contractor a loss of business, and could conceivably destroy his business. The only situation that might warrant such a statement is when someone who is considering hiring the contractor asks information about him. Even then, the “seven rules of to’eles (constructive speech),” which will be discussed in a later chapter, must be met.

“The rav knows what he needs to know for everyday she’eilos (halachic questions), but when it comes to a difficult piece of Gemara, he runs into problems.” This statement, even if true, is terrible. If the rav is fulfilling his role as spiritual leader of his community and teaching them how to live a life of Torah, then there is no reason to criticize him. Ridiculing the rav’s level of knowledge will serve only to lower his esteem in the people’s eyes. Then, when the rav instructs the people in the ways of the Torah, some of them might say, “Why should I listen to him? He’s not much of a talmid chacham, you know.”

The Chofetz Chaim writes:

Because the rav’s esteem was lowered in the eyes of the local populace, he might be removed from his position entirely. The speaker will have been responsible for [spilling] his blood and the blood of his offspring, for through his lashon hara, he has deprived him of his livelihood.

The speaker has also lowered the honor of Torah and its students very much; he has disgraced a talmid chacham, and for this, our Sages say, there is no remedy for his injury.

It does not take much to damage a person’s reputation. However, once it is damaged, it is often impossible to restore the reputation to what it once was.

IN A NUTSHELL

Criticism of a person’s intelligence or skills can do irreparable harm to his reputation.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Hilchos Lashon Hara 4:12 – 5:1

Any time a Jew commits a sin, he is defying the will of Hashem. When he is ready to engage in teshuvah (repentance), he must embark on a three-part process:

1. Letting go of the sin and resolving not to repeat it in the future. Our Sages offer a parable of a person who immerses himself in a mikveh to purify himself from tumah and continues to hold a dead sheretz (creeping animal) — the cause of his tumah — in his hand! He can immerse himself all day and it will accomplish nothing. Until he lets go of the sheretz, he will not become purified.

Similarly, If someone sincerely wants to engage in teshuvah, his first step must be to stop committing that sin and to resolve not to repeat it in the future.

2. Regret – He must sincerely regret his sinful actions of the past.

3. Confession – He must confess his sin before Hashem.

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch explained that the reason for confession is to ensure that the person will make a real effort to change. When we express with our lips what we have thought in our hearts, we are more likely to live up to it.

These three steps are required for any sin. When a sin is between man and his fellow, the sinner must also seek forgiveness. Speaking lashon hara is, of course, in this category of sin.

The Chofetz Chaim states: If a person speaks lashon hara and no one believes it, then he does not have to ask forgiveness, though he still needs to follow the three-step program outlined above for having sinned against Hashem. However, if even one person believed the lashon hara and this caused the victim emotional, physical, or financial harm, the speaker must ask forgiveness.

When a person has developed the terrible habit of speaking lashon hara regularly, it is virtually impossible for him to achieve complete teshuvah. How can he possibly recall all the people against whom he spoke? Even if he could recall them all, he will very likely be embar­rassed to approach some of his victims. If his lashon hara did damage to an entire family and this affected the good name of later generations as well, this would make full repentance impossible.

This segment concludes with a word of caution: Just as it is forbid­den to say that someone engages in conversation during davening, so it is forbidden to say that he did not want to extend a loan to someone. Mitzvos that are between man and Hashem and mitzvos between man and his fellow are equally important. To say that someone went against any sort of mitzvah is forbidden.

And surely, it is forbidden to say, “Yosef refused to extend a loan to me.” In this case, aside from the sin of lashon hara, the speaker is guilty of bearing a grudge, which is also forbidden by the Torah.

IN A NUTSHELL

Teshuvah for speaking lashon hara often requires seeking forgive­ness from the subject.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 4:11

Mr. Shulman’s daughter, Rivkah, is of marriageable age. Someone suggested Yonah Hertzman as a possible shidduch for her. For certain reasons, Mr. Shulman does not want it known that he is seeking a shidduch for his daughter.

Mr. Shulman knows that his neighbor’s son, Daniel, studies in the same yeshivah as Yonah. One day after Shacharis, Mr. Shulman nonchalantly says to Daniel, “I hear there’s a nice group of boys in your yeshivah. I met a fellow named Yonah Hertzman from there. He impressed me as a good bachur, no?”

Daniel responds by telling him all about Yonah — exactly what Mr. Shulman hoped would happen. After listening to a few of Yonah’s qualities, Mr. Shulman says, “Well, no one’s perfect. You don’t mean to say that Yonah Hertzman has no faults?”

“Well, he really is a wonderful guy,” replies Daniel, “though he does come late to Shacharis once in a while. But, of course, he’s not the only one.”

Mr. Shulman had every right to inquire about Yonah. A shidduch is a serious matter and parents should inquire about the young man or woman who has been suggested as a marriage partner for their child. The same would apply to a potential business partnership. Each prospective partner has the right to ask about the personality and past history of the other party to determine whether or not he should enter into the partnership.

However, Mr. Shulman made a serious mistake in leading Daniel to believe that he was asking about Yonah only out of curiosity. If that would have been the case, then he would have been soliciting lashon hara; in other words, he gave the impression that he is a sinner who disregards the most basic rules of proper speech.

Even worse, when Daniel spoke of Yonah’s coming late to Shacharis, he was guilty of speaking lashon hara, since he had no idea that Mr. Shulman had a valid reason for seeking this information. By causing Daniel to sin, Mr. Shulman was guilty of “And before a blind person do not place a stumbling block.”

If Mr. Shulman needs shidduch information, he should be straightfor­ward. “Daniel, I need to ask you some questions about a boy who was suggested for my daughter … ” The same rule applies to someone who needs information about a potential business partner.

There is a situation, says the Chofetz Chaim, where even straightfor­wardness will not permit seeking information.

Naftali has received an offer from Dov to open a Judaica store in partnership. Naftali’s friend, Pinchas, has been in the Judaica business for years and surely knows Dov, whose previous Judaica store was only three blocks away from Pinchas’. Naftali sees Pinchas as the perfect source of information about Dov.

One should never seek information from someone’s enemy, for he is more than likely to speak negatively about him. The Chofetz Chaim adds that we should not seek information from someone’s business competitor, even when there is no known hatred between them. Unfortunately, competitors often have a dislike for one another, and seeking such information from them could possibly cause them to speak lashon hara. Even if such information would be l’to’eles (constructive), since their motivation for speaking is often hatred of their competitor, their words are forbidden.

IN A NUTSHELL

When seeking necessary information about someone, be clear as to the reason for your inquiries; do not seek such information from the subject’s competitor.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 4:9-10

Rabbi Yisrael Salanter is reported to have said that it is easier to learn through half of Shas than to break a single bad midah (character trait). Changing our very nature can be quite difficult, but we must do it nonetheless. The Vilna Gaon wrote that the primary purpose of a Jew in this world is to refine his midos. Elsewhere, the Gaon wrote that if a person does not strive to improve his character, “for what purpose is he living?”

The great Jerusalem maggid Rabbi Sholom Schwadron was learning in a shul; sitting near him was a tzaddik who was known for his calm, quiet nature. When some children entered the shul and began to disturb those who were learning, the tzaddik said, “R’ Sholom, could you please ask the children to stop disturbing us?”

R’ Sholom replied, “Actually, they are not disturbing me. If they are disturbing you, why don’t you speak to them yourself?”

The tzaddik’s response shocked R’ Sholom: “But, R’ Sholom, how can I speak to them? Don’t you know that I am a ka’asan (hot-tempered person)? If I speak to them, I am liable to lose my temper!”

R’ Sholom later reflected: “I had known this tzaddik for years and had never seen him exhibit the slightest trace of anger. Obviously, what he meant was that by nature, he was hot-tempered. The fact that everyone knew him as quiet and mild-mannered was because throughout his life, he worked on uprooting this terrible midah. When these children were disturbing his learning, he feared that if they would not comply with his request, he might possibly become upset and lose his temper.”

The Chofetz Chaim says that to demonstrate bad midos is a great sin. Unfortunately, many people do not realize this. They know that it is not nice to be an angry, arrogant person, but they don’t consider such behavior to be forbidden. Perhaps if they would be made aware that such behavior is forbidden, they would make an effort to change.

It is forbidden to tell others that someone is often angry, arrogant, etc. The correct approach is to speak to the person privately about his behavior, thereby fulfilling the mitzvah “Rebuke your fellow Jew.”

However, the Chofetz Chaim notes an important exception to this rule, which we can explain with the following example:

Suri, a fine, good-natured girl, has been bringing home a friend who often displays arrogance, as she frequently ridicules others and focuses on their faults.

Suri’s mother would be allowed to tell her daughter to stop associating with this girl because of her negative behavior. However, she should tell her, “This would normally be lashon hara, but I am allowed to tell it to you now, because it is important for you to know.”

IN A NUTSHELL

Do not speak about a person’s negative midos, except when caution­ing others to keep their distance from this person.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 4:7-8

The legendary tzaddik Rabbi Aryeh Levin of Jerusalem once wished “Shabbat Shalom” to a non-observant Jew who was walking down the street smoking a cigarette. When the man responded angri­ly: “Who says that I’m Jewish?” R’ Aryeh replied, “You don’t understand. I love you like my own brother and that is why it pains me when I see that you are smoking on this holy day.”

The man immediately dropped the cigarette and said, “I am not prepared to say that I will keep the Shabbos from now on. But in your honor, Rabbi, I will not smoke for the rest of today.”

When we witness a Jew not living according to the Torah, we should emulate Rabbi Aryeh Levin. We should demonstrate our sincere love for the person and pray that he will come to realize the truth and beauty of Torah.

In Bircas HaTorah, we pray that all Jews should merit to experience the beauty and sweetness of Torah learning: Please, Hashem, our G-d, sweeten the words of Your Torah in our mouth and in the mouths of Your people, the House of Israel … Each morning, we pray that all Jews, whatever their connection to Torah is now, should come to recognize that Torah is sweet and “delicious” in an incomparable

Sadly, there are situations where someone who has drifted away from Torah will not respond kindly to the most gentle and respectful criticism — not from a rav, relative, or anyone else. In such cases, it may be permissible to tell others to avoid this person’s company so that he will not influence them in a negative way.

Friends have a powerful influence on one another. It is important that our friendships be with those with whom we can grow spiritually and not, G-d forbid, the opposite.

There is another instance when we would be allowed to publicize someone’s wayward behavior. When someone has sinned terribly and we know that Hashem will not remain silent in the face of such behavior, we are permitted to inform others so that when the person receives his Divine punishment, no one will question Hashem’s ways.

The Chofetz Chaim’s son, R’ Aryeh Leib, wrote the following:

In my father’s town, there lived a widow whose landlord was an unlearned man. Because she was poverty-stricken, she could not meet her rental payments. The landlord wanted to evict her, but she did not want to leave. What did the landlord do? He removed the roof from her house. The entire town was in an uproar over this wicked act, which took place during the winter! The landlord ignored everyone and sent the woman out at the height of the winter.

My father concluded his account with the following: “This incident was stored away in my heart and I waited. Many years passed and nothing happened. From time to time I thought to myself: ‘Can it be that what he did should just pass by smoothly, when Hakadosh Baruch said, “My wrath shall blaze … [against those who mistreat widows and orphans]?”’

“About ten years had passed when we heard the news that the landlord was bitten by a dog. A few days later, he began to make a barking sound like a dog. His illness lasted a few weeks, and he died.”

IN A NUTSHELL

We are permitted to publicize someone’s misdeeds so that others will avoid associating with him, or so that others will not question the Divine judgment against that person.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 4:5-6

Shlomo HaMelech said: “Do not criticize a scoffer, lest he hate you.” A leitz (scoffer) is a person who ridicules things that should be taken seriously. Our Sages refer to Pharaoh as a leitz because no matter how many times Hashem brought devastating, miraculous punishment upon him and his land, he refused to obey Moshe Rabbeinu’s command (in Hashem’s Name) that he allow the Jews to leave Egypt.

Scoffing brought about Egypt’s destruction, and it can destroy a Jew’s life as well. When a person who is criticized with sincerity and respect reacts by ridiculing what was said, there is little hope that he will change his ways.

A renowned baal teshuvah of our generation relat­ed: “At a point in my life when I was not interested in living a life of Torah, I was sitting at a simchah (celebration) having a good time with some of my irreligious friends. A distinguished rav was at this gathering and we began to converse with him. At one point he said to us, ‘I can prove to you that the Torah is true.’

“With my chutzpah, I retorted, ‘Do you know what the word “prove” means?’

“He did not become angry. Instead, he wisely replied, ‘Yes, I know what the word “prove” means, and I am prepared to make good on my claim. But I will not do it here. If you want to hear my proofs, you can come to my home and meet with me privately.’”

That rav understood that he was surrounded by a group of scoffers and that no matter how convincing his proofs might be, there was likely to be someone who would ridicule his words and destroy any chance that someone in the group might be inspired to change his ways.

The baal teshuvah continued, “I was the only one who took the rav up on his offer. I visited him in his home, and by the time the evening was over, I was convinced of the truth of Torah.”

We learned previously that if we witness someone committing a sin, even a serious sin that everyone knows is forbidden, we should not inform anyone, even the person’s rav. Rather, we should speak to the person in private in the hope of ensuring that he will not repeat his action.

However, this does not apply when the person is a scoffer and will very possibly shrug off or ridicule our words. In this case, two Jews who have both witnessed his misbehavior can report it to a local beis din, for there is a greater chance that such a person will listen to the words of respected rabbanim than the words of a neighbor or acquaintance. It is necessary that two people witness the act, because the testimony of a lone witness is not accepted in a Jewish court.

The Chofetz Chaim says that the information may also be told even by a lone witness to a relative of the sinner if there is a reasonable pos­sibility that he will be receptive to this relative’s criticism; or to a rav outside of beis din, assuming that the rav can approach the sinner in private and possibly influence him to mend his ways.

IN A NUTSHELL

When we have witnessed someone sin who will not accept our rebuke, we may be permitted to tell others to whom he might listen.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 4:3-4

We have learned that if an average Jew does something forbidden by halachah, we are not allowed to tell others about this. The Chofetz Chaim teaches that even if we see the person commit the same sin numerous times, we should give him the benefit of the doubt. We should tell ourselves that whatever he did was unintentional; or that he did not know it was forbidden; or that he mistakenly thought that his behavior in this instance was merely not commendable, but was not actually forbidden.

Not only should we not tell others what he did, says the Chofetz Chaim, but we ourselves should not think badly of him. Rather than despise him, we should give him the benefit of the doubt.

What if we see someone enter a McDonald’s and eat a cheeseburger (G-d forbid)? Are we obligated to think that he did not know that this was forbid­den, or that he forgot that cheeseburgers are treif? No, says the Chofetz Chaim, for every observant Jew knows that this is a sin. However, we should consider the possibility that he has regretted his sin and is determined never to repeat it. We should not tell others what we witnessed, but we should speak to the sinner in private in case he has not yet engaged in teshuvah. By attempting to convince the sinner to mend his ways, we will have fulfilled the mitzvah “Rebuke your fellow Jew”

However the Chofetz Chaim cautions us to also fulfill the next part of the verse: “and do not bear a sin because of him.” This teaches that we should offer criticism in a way that will not embarrass the sinner. We should speak to him in a soft, gentle way, so that he will not feel humiliated and he will be receptive to what we have to say.

Shlomo HaMelech taught: “The gentle words of the wise are heard.” When we criticize, we should do so gently. Otherwise, our words will probably be ignored or resented.

In the last years of Rabbi Avraham Pam’s life, a minyan formed in his home each week for the Shabbos tefillos. The first week that a new gabbai called people up to the Torah, he called up Rav Pam as “Moreinu (Our Guide) Rav Avraham ben Meir HaKohen.” Rav Pam’s father, who had been a rav and an outstanding talmid chacham, should have been referred to as “Harav Meir” rather than “Meir.” Rather than tell this to the gabbai directly, Rav Pam said to him, “My father, of blessed memory, learned in Radin together with Rav Elchonon Wasserman; he later became a rav and delivered a shiur in Gemara in Mesivta Rabbeinu Chaim Berlin.”

The gabbai understood the message. He later recalled, “I never felt bad when Rav Pam offered criticism; he did it in such a way that you did not feel bad.”

IN A NUTSHELL

We should give others the benefit of the doubt and not report their misdeeds to others; at the same time, we should offer rebuke when appropriate, in a gentle, respectful way.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 4:1-2

You know, yesterday we had burgers and buns for lunch at school. I was shocked to see how Leah took her tray of food and sat down to eat without washing netilas yadayim! I saw it with my own eyes!”

It is forbidden to tell others that someone did not fulfill a mitzvah, including a mitzvah that is mid’Rabban (Rabbinic), such as the requirement that we wash our hands before eating bread.

As we have learned, it is wrong for a Jew to say anything derogatory about another Jew, even if it true. In our example, there are other factors that make it forbidden to relate the incident:

It is possible (though not probable) that Leah had already washed her hands and eaten a piece of bread during recess with the intention of continuing her meal during lunch. Or, her mind may have been preoccupied during lunchtime and she simply forgot to wash her hands. Part of being human is that we make mistakes.

One Friday night, one of the great tzaddikim of the previous generation recited the wrong berachah for Kiddush. When his family made him aware of his mis­take, he said that he had been upset about something and this had caused him to err.

So when we see someone doing something that is forbidden by halachah, we should not be quick to condemn the person as an intentional sinner. In our example, a good friend could have approached Leah privately and said, “I hope that you don’t mind my asking, but is it possible that you forgot about netilas yadayim before you ate those buns?” If done privately and with obvious respect and concern, Leah would have been grateful, not angry.

There are certain halachos that many people tend to take lightly. For example, there are fine, sincere observant Jews who might engage in conversation during the chazzan’s repetition of Shemoneh Esrei, though the Shulchan Aruch speaks very forcefully against this practice.

It is forbidden to say, “Yesterday, in the middle of Minchah, Chaim told me that … ” The fact that the speaker, unfortunately, does not consider conversing during Minchah a serious matter does not give him the right to mention it.

“He is very wealthy, but when it comes to tzedakah, he is not from the big givers.” This too is forbidden. Though the speaker is implying that the man gives tzedakah, he is also saying that he gives less than would be expected of him.

The Mishnah states that if one tells another Jew, “Remember how only a few years ago, you were eating treif (non-kosher food) and work­ing on Shabbos,” he is guilty of ona’as devarim, causing hurt through words. If he tells someone, “Remember how only a few years ago, Yonatan was eating treif …” he is guilty of speaking lashon hara.

IN A NUTSHELL:

We should not mention the misdeeds of others, neither past nor present, major or minor, even if we are not ashamed to admit that we are guilty of the same.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 3:7-8

In Day 19, the Chofetz Chaim taught that when one fails to give someone the benefit of the doubt and as a result speaks lashon hara about him, he has transgressed not only the sin of lashon hara, but also the mitzvah of “Judge your fellow favorably.” In this segment, the Chofetz Chaim details the laws of this mitzvah as they relate to lashon hara.

If someone is known to be a G-d-fearing Jew, then even when his actions seem more likely to be sinful, we are obligated to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he has not done wrong.

If he is an average person who usually avoids sin but sometimes sins, then if it seems equally pos­sible that his actions are either bad or good, we are obligated to give him the benefit of the doubt. If his action more likely was sinful but there is a possibility that it was not, then we have not sinned by judging him unfavorably. However, even here it is proper to keep an open mind on the matter and not judge him unfavorably. In any event, it is forbidden to tell others what the person has done unless the seven rules of to’eles (constructive purpose) have been fulfilled.

The Chofetz Chaim quotes the famous teaching: “If one judges his fellow favorably, then Hashem will judge him favorably.”

In an address, the great Rosh Yeshivah Rabbi Avraham Pam discussed this mitzvah:

The words “Judge your fellow favorably” are interpreted in two ways: as a warning to a judge to be fair in judgment, and as a command to every Jew, “Give your friend the benefit of the doubt.” According to the second interpretation, why does the Torah use the word “Tishpot” (Judge)a word that is commonly associated with courtroom judgment?

Often, when people accept negative information about someone, they react spontaneously: “He did such and such? He’s not worth the ground he walks on! He should be punished! He should be driven out of town!” The Chofetz Chaim cautions that such talk is not merely an opinion, it is “Rendering judgment before Heaven.” When someone indicts his fellow Jew, this carries great weight in Heaven and causes that person great harm. Thus, when we express our opinion of someone’s negative behavior, we are offering “judgment” in a very real sense, a judgment that reaches the Heavenly Court.

On the other hand, when we speak good of our fellow Jew, we act as his defender, in Heaven and this brings great pleasure to Hashem. In the words of Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev, “The mouth was created only to speak words of Torah and to speak good of the Jewish people.”

… If one has the right outlook on people, it is not difficult to judge them favorably; it is actually the easiest thing in the world. There is so much good in people … so much inner charm. If husbands wives would appreciate the greatness of each other’s neshamah, the kedushah (sanctity) that is within them, the qualities that each possesses, would there be any shalom bayis (domestic harmony) problems?

Judging each other favorably holds the key to all good midos, to all blessings, to all forms of shalom — and there is no blessing greater than peace.

IN A NUTSHELL

Judging others favorably is the key to all good midos and a crucial component of shemiras halashon.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 3:3-4

It was the funniest thing. You see, Dovy really is the world’s most absent-minded fellow. One morning he was halfway to yeshivah when someone asked him where he was taking that big bag of garbage. That’s when he realized that the bag he had taken out of the kitchen trash can was still in his hand! He had totally forgotten that he was carrying it!

“Another time, he traveled to the Bronx by car and took the subway home because he forgot that he had driven there! He had to go all the way back to the Bronx by train in order to get his car.

“I’m not trying to make fun of Dovy — really, I’m not. I happen to like him a lot. But these stories are so very amusing, I couldn’t resist repeating them.”

The Chofetz Chaim states:

Take note of how all-encompassing is the sin of lashon hara. Even if one does not speak out of hatred and his intention is not to belittle the person, but rather, he speaks in a joking, light-headed way, nevertheless, since his words are in fact belittling, this is forbidden by the Torah.

There is nothing wrong with having a sense of humor. To the contrary, a sense of humor can be of great benefit to oneself and to others who enjoy listening to the humor. In fact, the Gemara relates that Eliyahu HaNavi would often appear to R’ Beroka of Chozai. Once, R’ Beroka asked Eliyahu: “Is there anyone in this marketplace who is destined for the World to Come?” Eliyahu motioned to two individuals who had just entered the marketplace.

R’ Beroka approached them and asked, “What do you do?”

They replied, “We are comedians and we go to cheer up those who are depressed.”

Yes, humor certainly can be beneficial, but not when it is used to poke fun at others.

Talmud Yerushalmi relates a rather sad story. There was a time when a non-Jewish government required all Jewish men to report for govern­ment service. One Jew, a man named Bar Chuvtza, decided to take his chances and not report. His absence was not noticed by government officials, but a couple of Jewish men who had reported for work did realize that Bar Chuvtza was absent. Apparently, they were bothered by the fact that they had to work while this fellow was back home going about his regular routine. They did not want to report him outright, but they did want to somehow make the officials realize that he was missing. So they hit upon a plan …

In the presence of an official, one Jew called to the other, “So what are we going to eat today?” His comrade replied, “We’ll eat choveitz,” which was a type of lentil. Hearing the word “choveitz,” the official said, “Choveitz … hey, that reminds me of something … yes, Bar Chuvtza — where is that Jew?”

Upon learning of this incident, Rav Yochanan commented on what the two Jews had done: “This is hidden lashon hara.”

Regarding lashon hara, there is no difference if the person’s name is mentioned or if it can be deduced through hints, gestures, or other means. If someone makes a statement that is either derogatory or can cause the person harm, and people can deduce whom he is speaking about, then it is lashon hara.

IN A NUTSHELL

Lashon hara is forbidden even when one’s intention is to be humor­ous and not to malign.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 3:1-2

Chutzpah. This Yiddish word has found a place in virtually every standard English dictionary. It is usually translated as “brazenness,” but truthfully, the word loses something in the translation.

The Torah recognizes chutzpah for what it truly is — a terrible midah (character trait) that destroys the personality of the person afflicted with it, and causes great emotional pain to its victims.

You are probably wondering: what does all this have to do with lashon hara?

The answer is simple. Sometimes, chutzpah is what drives a person to ridicule others.

In this segment, the Chofetz Chaim does away with another misconception. Sometimes, when a person is told, “Don’t say that — it’s lashon hara,” he responds, “Why is it lashon hara? If he was standing right here, I’d say the same thing!”

The person’s reasoning is: “Whatever I would not hesitate to say about Reuven in front of Reuven is not lashon hara.”

The Chofetz Chaim explains that this is false:

In one sense, speaking about someone in his presence is worse than speaking about him when he is not present, for aside from the sin of lashon hara, [when he speaks in his presence] he clothes himself in the [ugly] midos of azus and chutzpah (shamelessness and brazenness) and is more likely to cause quarreling through this. Also, this often results in the person becoming embarrassed.

The Chofetz Chaim then cites a teaching of our Sages which, on the surface, seems to say that one is permitted to say something negative about someone if he would not hesitate to utter this statement in the person’s presence. The Chofetz Chaim explains that this teaching is referring to a specific case of avak lashon hara, a statement which is not actual lashon hara, but might be forbidden nonetheless because it smacks of lashon hara.

An illustration (cited above in Day 30) is where someone comes to town seeking a place to eat. A passerby tells him, “Go to the Starmans down the street — they’ve always got a fire burning on their stove.”

As we have already explained, the passerby may have been disparag­ing the Starmans, saying that they are always cooking because they are always eating. Or, he may have meant that the Starmans excel in the mitzvah of hachnasas orchim, hospitality, and are always cooking for the many guests whom they host.

It all depends on the passerby’s tone of voice and facial expression.

If the passerby were speaking in the Starmans’ presence, he undoubt­edly would have said his remark in a way that clearly was complimen­tary. Therefore, if he chooses this manner, it is permissible even not in their presence. However, if he chooses the second manner, his words are labeled as avak lashon hara.

IN A NUTSHELL

Negative statements are lashon hara even though one would not hesitate to say them in the subject’s presence. When he is not present it is worse, for it causes the speaker to be liable for the verse “Cursed is one who attacks his neighbor in secret” (Devarim 27:24).

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 2:12-13

Rabbi Avraham Pam would caution his talmidim to be especially careful at a particularly “dangerous time.” This is the time when people leave shul at the conclusion of Mussaf on Rosh Hashanah.

What could be “dangerous” about such a time?

Imagine the following conversation:

Friend 1: “Let’s see what time it is … 2:45! That’s insane! Last year we finished Mussaf on Rosh Hashanah at 2:10!”

Friend 2: “Well, there’s a reason why we finished so late. The new chazzan obviously thinks that everyone wants to hear his gorgeous voice — he had to sing every second paragraph!”

Friend 1: “Don’t blame everything on the chazzan. It’s also the fault of the baal tokei’a. Where did this guy learn how to blow the shofar? The rav made him do it over 50 percent of the time!”

Friend 2: “And speaking of the rav — his speech before Mussaf has got to be the most boring one yet. I guess he has nothing new to say; he recycles the same ideas again and again.”

A person can spend the morning and early afte­noon of Rosh Hashanah engaged in sincere teshuvah and heartfelt tefillah — only to lose all he has accom­plished by engaging in conversations of lashon hara.

The Chofetz Chaim focuses on the criticism of the rav’s speech.

I must be very clear about something, for I see that many people are accustomed to doing it: When someone delivers a lecture in a beis midrash, the halachah does not allow anyone to ridicule the lecturer or to say that his lectures lack substance and that there is nothing worth listening to.

To our misfortune, we have seen many who are guilty of this and do not consider such ridicule to be a sin at all. According to halachah, this is actual lashon hara. Such statements are likely to cause the lecturer financial harm, and many times, they lead to his being pained and embarrassed as well.

We don’t have to like the speeches that we hear; at the same time, we are not permitted to voice our negative opinions about such speeches. This can cause the speaker embarrassment and even financial harm.

This applies even when every word of criticism is true. Unfortunately, notes the Chofetz Chaim, it is all too common for people to exaggerate a speaker’s faults.

He’s always boring, goes on and on … I’ll tell you the truth — sometimes I think that he himself doesn’t know what he’s talking about!

The Chofetz Chaim has very strong words for people who make this sort of remark. Quite often, he says, they lack yiras Shamayim and ridicule the speaker because they do not want to admit that his words of reproof are on the mark and that their way of life needs to be changed. The tragedy is that by ridiculing the speaker, they cause others to ignore his words as well.

The baal lashon hara will have quite a lot to answer for on his Day of Judgment.

It’s a good idea to keep far away from such people.

IN A NUTSHELL

Never ridicule public speakers, baalei tefillah, or anyone else whose performance you did not appreciate.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 2:11

We now return to the laws of shemiras halashon in Sefer Chofetz Chaim.

There are times when a person bows to pressure and reveals confidential information.

The shul has outgrown its quarters and the board has decided to double the size of the building. Two of the shul’s members, Mr. Fearman and Mr. Noble, are building contractors, and each is eager to be the one to build the shul’s extension. The board votes on the matter and Mr. Fearman is chosen. Noble is very upset.

He approaches a member of the board, Mr. Green, and says, “What’s with you people? Has anyone compared my work with Fearman’s? His buildings are poorly designed and of shoddy construction.”

Mr. Green replies, “To be perfectly honest, I voted for you. But what could I do? I was outvoted.”

Mr. Green has violated the laws of proper speech. A private meeting should remain private, unless everyone present agrees to reveal to the public what transpired at the meeting.

By telling Mr. Noble that he voted for him, Mr. Green is making it easier for Noble to figure out who voted against him. This is wrong.

The Chofetz Chaim makes another point. Imagine that the conversation between the two men had gone this way:

Noble: “What’s with you people? Has anyone compared my work with Fearman’s? His buildings are poorly designed and of shoddy construction.”

Green: “Mr. Noble, I’m sorry that you’re upset, but please under­stand that because you wanted this job so badly, it is impossible for you to be objective. I can assure you that we do recognize the quality of your firm’s work and before we voted, we discussed the matter at great length. There’s nothing wrong with your work. It’s just that the majority felt that for the shul’s needs at this time, it would be better to go with Fearman. And I want you to know that once the vote was taken, everyone agreed that the decision was a good one.”

In this conversation, Mr. Noble is made to understand that the decision was, in effect, endorsed by the entire board. Knowing this, Mr. Noble quite probably would have respected the decision and overcome his initial disappointment as time went on.

However, if Mr. Green bluntly states that he still disagrees with the majority who voted for Fearman, Mr. Noble will remain bitter and resentful towards the majority for making a “stupid decision.” This can lead to machlokes (strife), lashon hara, and other serious problems.

We live in a world where there is little respect for “confidentiality.” It seems that virtually every day, the media reports information “that was revealed by a source who spoken on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to reveal this information.”

Why would someone reveal information with which he was entrusted and which he was expected to keep secret? The answer might be: a bribe, a chance to get even with someone, or the feeling of power that comes with revealing secret information. Of course, none of these rea­sons should interest someone who lives by the Torah. To the contrary, a Jew should derive a great degree of satisfaction from following the halachah and keeping a secret.

Self-control. It’s what being a Jew is all about.

IN A NUTSHELL

Private discussions and votes should remain private.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

(As explained in Day 31, this segment is based on Sefer Shemiras HaLashon, Shaar HaZechirah ch. 7)

Itzik the Baker was trudging home after a long day of hard work. As he approached the town’s main street, he noticed something on the ground sparkling in the light. He bent down to pick it up and found that it was a small, beautiful, colored stone.

“What luck!” he thought. “I’ve been meaning to bring home a present for my five-year-old daughter, but I’ve been too busy to take care of it. Now I have something for her. This stone is so pretty — my daughter can make a necklace and hang it from her doll’s neck!”

As he stood there thinking, one of the city’s gem dealers passed by and noticed the stone in Itzik’s hand. “Where did you get that?” he asked the baker.

“I found it,” he replied, “and I’m bringing it home as a gift for my five-year-old!”

“Are you joking?” the dealer retorted. “That’s a precious gem — it’s priceless! In fact, the king’s servants are searching for such a gem to place in the king’s crown!”

Itzik brought the gem to the king’s palace. The king was elated to receive it and rewarded Itzik by making him one of the wealthiest citizens in the entire kingdom.

Said the Chofetz Chaim: A young child learning the holy Torah is much like Itzik the Baker and his precious gem. The child has, at best, a superficial under­standing of what he is learning. Yet, even without much understanding, the kedushah (sanctity) of the Torah that he learns is awesome; his neshamah becomes united with it, and in the merit of his study the world exists.

The Torah study of a mature Torah scholar is of even greater kedushah, because the scholar applies his mind to it, focusing on its meaning, learning it in great depth. Yet, forbidden speech such as lashon hara can bring tumah (impurity) upon his Torah study so that its power is weakened, to the point that it does not sustain the world as a child’s does.

The Chofetz Chaim concludes:

The minds of the great Sages of yesteryear were constantly attached to Hashem, to yiras Hashem and His mitzvos, and their speech was always with great purity and sanctity. If by chance they occasionally spoke an improper word, surely they engaged in teshuvah immedi­ately. Nevertheless, such forbidden talk did harm to the sanctity of their speech in general, so that it did not have its full power …

Then what should we, whose attachment to Torah is on a much lower level, say? If we contaminate our mouths with lashon hara, rechilus, machlokes, etc. what sort of kedushah can come to rest on the Torah learning that will later issue forth from this mouth?

The Manchester Rosh Yeshivah, Rabbi Yehudah Zev Segal, said that he was especially careful to always speak the absolute truth, because people would come to him requesting his blessing for children, shidduchim, health issues, etc. Rav Segal reasoned that if he wanted his bera­chos to have power, he had to be very careful with his words at all times.

All of us want our words of Torah and tefillah to have their maximum power. It is therefore crucial that we be very careful with our speech at all times.

IN A NUTSHELL

If lashon hara, however minor, could damage the power of the Torah study of the Sages of the Talmud, then surely it can do great harm to our own Torah study and tefillah.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

(As explained in Day 31, this segment is based on Sefer Shemiras HaLashon, Shaar HaZechirah ch. 7)

The story is told of a Jew who committed many sins in his life. When he passed away and stood before the Heavenly Court, matters did not look good for him. Then an angel came to testify how on a cold, snowy winter night, this man had gone out of his way to help a traveler get his wagon out of a ditch. This great mitzvah made the weight of good deeds almost evenly balanced with the weight of sins on the Heavenly scale. Then an angel brought forward all the mud this man had waded through as he struggled to extricate the wagon from the ditch. The mud tipped the scale to the side of merit and the man was granted entrance to Gan Eden.

Then there is another type of mud, the ruach hatumah (spirit of impurity) created by lashon hara. This “mud” cannot be seen by the human eye, but it is there nonetheless — and the damage it can cause is far-reaching.

Imagine a pair of students sitting together studying Gemara for four consecutive hours. They feel uplifted and channel their spiritual energy into the tefillah that follows. “I think this is the best Minchah I’ve ever davened,” one tells himself. Both leave the beis midrash very accomplished. Or so they think.

There is something that they have forgotten. That morning while eating breakfast together, an old classmate’s name came up. This classmate did not get along well with these two fellows, for a variety of reasons. Over breakfast, all his faults were recalled and the two friends shared new stories they had heard about him since the day he had left their yeshivah.

This discussion — all of it lashon hara — lasted fifteen minutes. When they entered the beis midrash a few minutes later with the goal of accomplishing a lot in the next four hours, it appeared that this would be a day of great spiritual accomplishment. But their eyes could not see the powerful ruach hatumah that their words had created. This ruach hatumah enveloped the words of Torah and tefillah that their mouths uttered, weakening their power and depleting the reward that they could have achieved.

The Chofetz Chaim informs us that the damaging effects of forbidden speech is discussed in the Talmud.

The world is sustained only in the merit of the breath [of Torah] study of school children.

Said Rav Papa to Abaye: “And what of our Torah study?”

Abaye replied, “There is no comparison between breath that is tainted by sin and breath that is untainted by sin.”

What did Abaye mean when he said that the breath of the great Sages of the Talmud was “tainted by sin”? Surely this could only mean a few minor, unintentional words that might not even be considered sinful by our standards. Yet, Abaye was convinced that even such words could damage the power of one’s Torah learning. The kind of conversation we described above can certainly have a devastating effect on the power of one’s learning and prayer.

Let’s do our best to avoid lashon hara. There is too much at stake.

IN A NUTSHELL

Words of lashon hara can have a devastating effect on the power of our Torah study and tefillah.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

(As explained in Day 31, this segment is based on Sefer Shemiras HaLashon, Shaar HaZechirah ch. 7)

Lashon hara is harmful to the neshamah in a way that other sins are not. When, for example, some­one sins with his hands (for example, he hits some­one), he causes a ruach hatumah (spirit of impurity) to come upon his hands. However, as Zohar states, when someone speaks lashon hara, he brings a ruach hatumah upon his entire body.

Why is this so? Why is lashon hara so destruc­tive? The answer is that the power of speech is what defines us as human beings. It is an expression of our intellect, of what distinguishes man from beast.

On the words “And man became a living being” Targum translates, “And man became a speaking spirit.” What we speak is what we are. Therefore, when we speak forbidden words, we contaminate, in a spiritual way, our entire being.

But it works both ways. When a Jew uses his power of speech for Torah study, it causes a spirit of kedushah (holiness) to rest upon him. This brings healing to both body and soul.

There is an expression: “Talk is cheap.” This is an American expression, not a Torah one. In Jewish life, words are very powerful.

We can gain an insight into the power of speech from a word that the average Jew recites millions of times in his life — “Amen”. Our Sages teach that answering “Amen” to a berachah is greater than reciting it. The reward for responding “Amen” even once is unfathomable. And with proper intent, responding “Amen” to a berachah is considered as if the person actually carried out the mitzvah himself (as when one fulfills his obligation to recite Kiddush by listening to its recital and then responding “Amen”).

The Gemara states, “The berachah of even a simple person should not be unimportant in your eyes.” There are countless stories of people who witnessed great yeshuos (salvations) for having children, being healed from illness, or finding their shidduch (marriage partner) after receiving a blessing from someone who, apparently, was a “simple Jew.”

Once, a baby boy was born with life-threatening complications. On Friday morning, doctors told the father that the baby did not have much longer to live. The father consulted the great tzaddik Rabbi Yehudah Zev Segal of Manchester, and asked whether or not there should be a shalom zachar celebration that night.

“Absolutely,” the Rosh Yeshivah replied. “At a shalom zachar, everyone wishes the father ‘Mazel tov!’ and offers a blessing that the child be raised to ‘Torah, chuppah and good deeds.’ For these blessings alone it is worthwhile to have a shalom zachar.”

The shalom zachar was held. To the doctors’ amazement, the complications cleared up and the baby had a complete recovery.

Our words have enormous power. Let’s use them right.

IN A NUTSHELL

Never underestimate the power of words.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 2:3-4

In the previous segment, the Chofetz Chaim dis­proved the misconception that it is permissible to speak lashon hara in the presence of three or more people. Now, the Chofetz Chaim deals with one who has listened to lashon hara that has been spoken in the presence of three or more people.

Under certain conditions, it might be permissible to repeat such lashon hara. The reason is that information that has already reached the ears of three or more people may no longer be “confidential.” It is likely, the reasoning goes, that among this group there is at least one person who does not live by the rule of shemiras halashon. This loose-tongued fellow is going to “spread the word” all around town. Therefore, anyone else in the group who repeats the information to others is not causing any damage. He is merely repeating that which is already known.

Can we rely on this reasoning in real life? Are we permitted to relate lashon hara that has already been said to a group of three or more? The Chofetz Chaim makes it quite clear that this leniency, if it can be relied upon at all, would only apply under certain very specific conditions. After discussing those conditions, the Chofetz Chaim concludes:

After all this discussion and these truths that we have clarified, realize, my brother, that one should stay far away from this leniency, for it almost never applies. And even in a situation where all the conditions [to rely upon it] are met, it is not clear that the halacha follows the opinion that this leniency is valid. According to some authorities, it has no basis at all in Shas. Therefore, one who seeks to protect his soul should stay away from it.

In Sefer Chofetz Chaim, the next three segments deal with the conditions that are needed for one to rely on the “apei tlasa” leniency. Since the Chofetz Chaim himself finds this leniency very problematic and advises that it should not be relied upon, we will skip any further discussion of it. Instead, we will devote the remainder of this segment and the next three segments to the parallel pieces in Sefer Shemiras HaLashon, also written by the Chofetz Chaim.

The Damage Caused by Lashon Hara
(Sefer Shemiras Halashon, Shaar HaZechirah ch. 7)

Take note of the damage that lashon hara can cause to the speaker:

When a person speaks lashon hara, some of his zechuyos (merits) are transferred in Heaven from his account to the account of the one about whom he spoke. As stated in Sefer Chovos HaLevavos:

Many people will come to the day of reckoning [in Heaven, after they leave this world] and when shown an accounting of all their actions, they will find good deeds that they did not do. “I did not do this,” one might say, only to be told, “This was done by the person who spoke shamefully of you.”

The guilty party will seek these zechuyos for himself and will be told, “They became lost to you when you spoke against So-and-so.”

A person can spend a lifetime devoting much of his day to Torah study, prayer, and good deeds — only to lose their merit because he was loose-tongued for all or much of his life. What a frightening thought!

Let us resolve to carefully live by the laws of shemiras halashon, for our own sake and the sake of the entire Jewish nation.

IN A NUTSHELL

We should not rely upon the “apei tlasa” leniency.
We must carefully guard our tongues if we wish to preserve our mer­its in our “Heavenly bank accounts.”

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 2:1

The Chofetz Chaim devotes almost an entire chapter to clarifying an oft-misunderstood statement in the Gemara. The statement deals with the rule “in the presence of three”.

Rabba bar Rav Huna said: Any tale that was related in the presence of three people is exempt from the [prohibition] of lashon hara.

Misconception #1: This Gemara is teaching us that it is permitted to relate lashon hara in front of three people or more.

Of course, this is ridiculous. Can anyone truly think that lashon hara is forbidden only when spoken to one or two people, but not when spoken to three or more?

In fact, the greater the crowd, the greater the sin.
So what does Rabba bar Rav Huna mean?
The Chofetz Chaim explains:

Certain statements can at times be considered lashon hara and at other times not be considered lashon hara. It depends how they are said and in front of whom they are said.

The Chofetz Chaim, citing a Gemara, offers an example.

On a winter day, a stranger comes to town, cold and hungry. He stops a passerby and asks, “Can you tell me where I might find a fire burning at this time of day?”

The passerby replies, “Sure, go to the Starmans down the street — they’ve always got a fire burning on their stove.”

The passerby may have been disparaging the Starmans, saying that they are always eating, and therefore are always cooking something on their stove. Or, he may have meant that the Starmans excel in the mitzvah of hachnasas orchim, hospitality, and are always cooking something for the many guests whom they host.

If the passerby has the first explanation in mind, then it is lashon hara. If he has the second explanation in mind and says the statement in a manner that implies this, then it is permissible.

When a comment about someone is said in the presence of three, it is likely that it will be repeated by at least one of them and will reach the ears of the one of whom it was said. The speaker would not want his subject to think that he said something derogatory about him, and therefore, he will be sure to say it in such a way that will clearly not be derogatory.

It is only in such a case that one is permitted to say something in the presence of three which in other situations might have seemed derogatory and therefore would be forbidden as lashon hara.

It is not uncommon to see a child complain that another child made fun of him, only to hear the other child respond, “I didn’t mean anything bad!” With regard to lashon hara, the halachah is clear: Statements that can be interpreted in opposite ways should not be said unless it is obv­ous that they were not meant negatively.

The same applies to the sin of ona’as devarim, causing pain with hurt­ful words, even when the words are spoken in private with no one else listening. Never say anything that can be misinterpreted as insulting or mean.

IN A NUTSHELL
When speaking about others, make sure that your words will not be misunderstood as lashon hara.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 1:5-6

When it comes to the sin of lashon hara, the Satan operates on two fronts. Sometimes, a person becomes filled with a tremendous urge to share some “juicy” information about someone with his friends or family. At such times, one must struggle with himself; he should remind himself of how terrible lashon hara is, how much damage it causes, and how speaking lashon hara contradicts the mitzvah of ahavas Yisrael.

Other times, the Satan operates on a different front. He sends people to pressure the person to reveal negative information that they very much want to hear. Sometimes, the person exerting pressure is a close friend:

Come on, Leah, just tell me who it is that’s in trouble with the principal. Why can’t you tell me? I know that you know! Why aren’t you answering me? I thought we were best friends! Is this how you treat a best friend? Why is it lashon hara? — by next week, everyone will know about it anyway …

No matter how great the pressure, no matter how important the one exerting the pressure, one is not allowed to speak lashon hara.

Even if a father, mother, or teacher is demanding to be told lashon hara, one is not permitted to do so. (This refers to situations where there is no to’eles, positive benefit, in relating the lashon hara. The rules of to’eles will be discussed in a later chapter.) Even if one’s boss ridicules him for not revealing negative information, even if he threatens to fire him, he is not permitted to speak lashon hara.

In All for the Boss, Ruchoma Shain tells of what might have been the most uplifting moment of her father’s life. R’ Yaakov Yosef Herman and his wife emigrated to Eretz Yisrael in the summer of 1939. While they were still at sea, the Second World War erupted. The boat was forced to take a circuitous route and docked at the Haifa port shortly before Shabbos. The Hermans had only an hour or so to reach their hosts before Shabbos. They were forced to leave their personal belongings on the dock — nine suitcases and 16 crates filled with all their possessions.

Such a mammoth loss would surely cause the average person to be subdued. Not R’ Yaakov Yosef Herman. He was in a heightened state of exhilaration all Shabbos, exclaiming, “The Boss [i.e. Hashem] does everything for me. What could I ever do for Him? Now at last I have the z’chus (merit) to give all for the Boss, for His mitzvah of Shabbos and to be mekadesh Hashem (sanctify Hashem’s Name)!” (On Motza’ei Shabbos, they returned to the dock and found all their possessions intact. The British officer in charge at the dock had been so impressed that the Hermans were willing to lose everything to uphold their religion that, unbeknownst to them, he appointed a soldier to guard their possessions.)

R’ Yaakov Yosef Herman was an exceptional tzaddik. Nevertheless, we can take a lesson from him: When a person gives of himself for the sake of Hashem and His Torah, he becomes filled with joy and a feeling of true accomplishment. When we resist the pressure to speak lashon hara, we should feel proud and happy that we have remained strong in guarding our speech for the sake of Hashem and His Torah.

IN A NUTSHELL
No matter how great the pressure and no matter who is pressuring us, we may not speak lashon hara.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 1:1-2

The Chofetz Chaim begins the laws of lashon hara by pointing out a most common mistake. Some assume that one is guilty of speaking lashon hara only if he says something that is both derogatory and false.

This is wrong.

When the Torah says “Do not go as a gossipmonger among your people” it includes statements that are true. If the information is false, then it is classified not merely as lashon hara, but as hotza’as shem ra (slander), and the sin is much greater.

A Jew should never focus on the faults of his fellow Jew. Rather, he should look at others with a good eye, focusing on their qualities and ignoring their deficiencies.

This does not mean that we should be naïve and assume that everyone is perfect and can do no wrong. This would be foolish. As we have learned earlier, there is a mitzvah in the Torah of tochachah, to respectfully offer corrective criticism when we see others doing wrong. If the Torah wanted us to ignore others’ faults as if they did not exist, this mitzvah would be impossible.

To look at others with a good eye means to realize that there is so much good in every Jew, though we cannot always see the good. It means to understand that whatever the person has done wrong does not define who the person is. Shemiras halashon and the mitzvah of ahavas Yisrael, to love every Jew with an unconditional love, go hand in hand.

Therefore, we should not want to focus on the faults of others. And certainly we should not want to share such information with others.

When Rabbi Avraham Pam took ill towards the end of his life, he was visited by a man who heads a very important kiruv (outreach) organization. This man would consult with Rav Pam almost daily with questions on crucial issues. However, on this visit, seeing that Rav Pam appeared ill and weak, the man decided not to discuss “business.”

Instead, he entertained Rav Pam with true stories about Jews who had performed great acts of chesed in hidden ways so that their deeds would not gain them any recognition.

Rav Pam’s joy was obvious. When the man rose to leave, Rav Pam told him, “A father enjoys hearing good about his children. When you relate such wonderful stories about Jews, the Shechinah (Hashem’s Presence) comes to listen. I am confident that in this merit, I will get well.”

The Chofetz Chaim concludes this segment by noting that, as he has detailed in his preface, when someone speaks lashon hara, he is liable
to transgress many other sins in addition to the primary sin, Do not go as a gossipmonger among your people

IN A NUTSHELL
Lashon hara is forbidden even when it is true.
Shemiras halashon and ahavas Yisrael go hand in hand.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Preface: Curses

Upon entering Eretz Yisrael after their 40 years in the Midbar, the Jewish people renewed their eternal relationship with Hashem and His Torah. They inscribed the entire Torah upon 12 huge stones, they offered korbanos, and they stood upon two mountains where they responded “Amen” to the Blessings and Curses. Of the 12 curses that were uttered, three are related to the sin of lashon hara:

“Cursed is one who attacks his neighbor in secret.” As Rashi comments, this refers to someone who attacks his neighbor by speaking lashon hara about him without his knowledge.
“Cursed is one who causes a blind person to go astray on the road.” We have already learned that both one who speaks and one who listens to lashon hara transgress “Before a blind person do not place a stumbling block,” which forbids us to cause another Jew to sin. This curse applies to anyone who transgresses that sin.
If someone approaches lashon hara as something that is perfectly acceptable, and therefore speaks lashon hara regularly, then “Cursed is one who will not uphold the words of this Torah” applies to him as well. This curse refers to anyone who does not accept upon himself to observe all 613 mitzvos. In the Chofetz Chaim’s words, a person who treats lashon hara as something that is “hefker” — something that is not to be taken seriously, that can be disregarded — is no different than someone who accepts upon himself 612 mitzvos instead of 613. The Chofetz Chaim adds, “His sin is too great to bear.”

After listing the 31 mitzvos that can be transgressed through lashon hara and the curses that apply to those who engage in it, the Chofetz Chaim concludes that lashon hara can bring out the worst in a person. People who make a habit of maligning others show a tendency towards anger, cruelty, and a host of other negative traits. Because lashon hara is so destructive — to the subject, the speaker, the listener, and the entire Jewish nation — there is a specific mitzvah “Do not go as a gossipmonger among your people” that prohibits it.

The Chofetz Chaim concludes his introduction by urging us to review it again and again …

… for it is compiled from the words of the Rishonim (Early Commentators), whose holy, pure words are aflame like fiery torches. Surely, they guarded their tongues against lashon hara to the fullest extent possible; therefore, their words have a powerful effect upon those who read them.

IN A NUTSHELL
Three of the 12 curses in the Torah apply to those who speak lashon hara.
This concludes the Chofetz Chaim’s introduction which, he says, should be reviewed again and again.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Preface: Positive Commandments

Rabbi Avraham Pam, one of the great Torah leaders of our day, was a legend in his time. He combined within himself all the good qualities one can seek in a human being. His kindness was without limit, his advice was very practical, clear and correct. He never veered from the truth and always walked the path of peace.

How does one define, in one sentence, the essence of this tzaddik?

Someone put it this way: Rav Pam’s heart beat with the qualities contained within the mitzvah, “And you shall go in His ways.” A Jew is commanded to emulate the ways of Hashem. In Sifrei’s words:He [Hashem] is merciful, so you should be merciful; He bestows kindness, so you should bestow kindness.

Rav Pam was so beloved because throughout his long life, he went in Hashem’s ways, relating to every person he met with kindness, empathy, and love.

When a person speaks lashon hara, he is not going in the ways of Hashem. Instead of showing love and spreading good will, he is causing harm and hurt. Therefore, he transgresses the mitzvah “And you shall go in His ways.”

The Chofetz Chaim cites the tragic episode of Achan in Sefer Yehoshua to illustrate how Hashem utterly detests lashon hara. Achan committed a terrible sin by secretly taking some of the spoils of war when the Jews conquered the city of Jericho. Because of this sin, Jewish soldiers fell in the very next battle. Hashem revealed to Yehoshua bin Nin that one man’s sins had caused these deaths, but He did not reveal the identity of the sinner. (Achan was later discovered through a Divinely directed lottery.) Our Sages relate that when Yehoshua asked the name of the sinner, Hashem replied, “Am I a talebearer [that I should reveal his name]? Cast a lottery [and let the sinner be identified through it].”

Of course, the goral (lottery) identified the sinner only because Hashem caused it to do so. Nevertheless, by refusing to identify Achan outright, Hashem was teaching the Jewish people how reluctant they should be to say something negative about anyone — even when the halachah requires that such statements be made l’to’eles (for a constructive purpose). Surely, to say something negative for no constructive reason should be detestable to all.

Whatever has been written thus far applies to lashon hara that is true. If the lashon hara is false, then it is classified as hotza’as shem ra (slander) and the sin is even worse. It is also a transgression of “Distance yourself from falsehood.”

The Chofetz Chaim has enumerated 17 negative commandments and 14 positive commandments that one can be guilty of when speaking lashon hara. Of course, it is impossible to transgress all of them at once. However, says the Chofetz Chaim, if someone is in the habit of speaking lashon hara, then over the course of time he will come to transgress all 31 of these mitzvos.

Not a very pleasant thought.

IN A NUTSHELL
One who speaks lashon hara is guilty of not going in Hashem’s ways.
When lashon hara is false,one has transgressed the mitzvah to distance oneself from falsehood.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Preface: Positive Commandments

The study of Torah is the greatest mitzvah of all. A Jew is commanded to study Torah whenever possible. This is why, say Tosafos, we recite Bircas HaTorah only once a day, as opposed to the blessing when eating in a succah, which we recite each time we leave the succah and return later to eat again. A Jew never really “finishes” learning, because as soon as he is free to learn, he has a mitzvah to open a sefer and resume learning.

Of course, this does not mean that we cannot live a normal life. A person needs to eat, sleep, provide for his family — and, yes, he also needs to “unwind,” to relax, to exercise, to “recharge his batteries.” As long as activities lead to the goal of allowing him to study Torah and serve Hashem with a healthy body and clear mind, they are in the category of a mitzvah; they are certainly not considered bitul Torah (time wasted from learning).

However, when a person speaks lashon hara, then aside from the sin of negative speech, the person has also wasted precious time that could have been used for Torah study. The Vilna Gaon taught that every word of Torah is a mitzvah in itself. In a couple of minutes, a person can accumulate hundreds of mitz­vos of Torah learning. By contrast, when a person speaks lashon hara, each negative comment is a sin in itself.

In Pirkei Avos, we are taught that when a person leaves this world, he must stand before Hashem for a “din v’cheshbon” – judgment and accounting. The Vilna Gaon explains that din is the reckoning for the sin itself, while cheshbon is a reckoning for the good that could have been accomplished during the time that the sin was committed. The cheshbon for which a baal lashon hara will be held accountable is frightening.

As the Chofetz Chaim has demonstrated, the harm that one brings to himself by speaking or listening to lashon hara is awesome. A wise, G-d­fearing person should want to stay far away from any group or situation that might lead to such talk.

The Gemara relates that on his deathbed Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai told his talmidim, “May it be the will of Hashem that the fear of Heaven be upon you like the fear of flesh and blood.”

“That’s all?” his talmidim responded. Can it be that we are to fear Hashem only as much as we fear people?

Rabban Yochanan responded, “If only you would fear Hashem that much. For isn’t it true that when a person is about to sin, he says to himself, ‘I hope that no one sees me.’”

Someone who is careless with his words, ignoring the fact that the Torah explicitly forbids us to speak lashon hara, has transgressed the mitzvah of “You shall fear Hashem, your G-d.”

As the Vilna Gaon wrote in his famous letter to his family, “ … For everything one will stand judgment, for every word; not one casual remark will be lost … Why should it be necessary for me to write at length about this most severe of sins … Heavenly angels accompany a person wherever he goes, and not a single word is lost and not recorded … ”

IN A NUTSHELL
When one speaks lashon hara, he wastes time that could have been used for Torah study, and he shows a lack of fear of Hashem.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Preface: Positive Commandments

A verse in Sefer Yechezkel1 refers to a beis haknesses (shul) or beis midrash (study hall) as a mikdash me’at, a miniature Beis HaMikdash.

Is it any wonder, then, that to interrupt one’s prayers in shul to engage in pointless conversation is a particularly grave sin?

Is it any wonder that to engage in lashon hara during prayer is even worse?

In fact, to speak lashon hara in a shul or beis midrash at any time is a very severe sin.

The Torah states, “and fear My sanctuary.” This mitzvah, to show special respect for the Beis HaMikdash, applies also to a mikdash me’at, a shul or beis midrash.

In Mishnah Berurah, the Chofetz Chaim writes that engaging in mundane conversation in shul “may transform it into a place of idol worship, G-d forbid.” To speak lashon hara in shul is a particularly terrible sin …
… for in doing so, one shows lack of regard for the Shechinah; also, there is no comparison between someone who sins in private and someone who sins in the palace of the King, in the King’s Presence. This evil is compounded when the sinner causes others to join in his sin…

In this segment, the Chofetz Chaim paints a picture of a distinguished member of a shul who, in full view of the congregation, is engaged in a conversation spiced — or better said, poisoned — with lashon hara. He continues his sinful talk even as the Torah reading begins.

The Chofetz Chaim enumerates the man’s sins:

He has spoken lashon hara.

He has been guilty of chillul Hashem by engaging in conversation in view of everyone as the Torah reading is in progress.

Even if he misses one word or one verse, he has sinned grievously. The halachah states that it is forbidden to leave a shul while the Torah is being read; to do so is a disgrace to the Torah. To engage in conversation in shul during the Torah reading is an even greater disgrace.

If this happens on Shabbos, it is a disgrace to the sanctity of Shabbos.

He has transgressed “and fear My sanctuary.

If the victim of one’s lashon hara is a person over the age of 70 or a talmid chacham of any age, then one has transgressed, “You shall rise in the presence of an elder and show esteem for a sage.” On this verse, the word “zaken” is an acronym, “this one who has acquired wisdom,” and refers to any talmid chacham,whether young or old.

Quite a frightening collection of sins. Let us make sure that we will not be that man.

IN A NUTSHELL
We must be especially careful not to speak lashon hara in a beis midrash or beis haknesses, and not to speak about a talmid chacham or elderly person.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Preface: Positive Commandments

Pointing out someone’s misbehavior in a gentle, respectful way is required by the Torah. “You shall reprove your fellow,” is onethe 613 mitzvos. This mitzvah can be challenging at times, depending on your relationship to the person who is doing wrong, and what he is doing.

The Chofetz Chaim offers a powerful illustration where the average person will not find it hard to offer reproof:

You enter the local supermarket and notice that a neighbor of yours, a member of your shul, is heading to what used to be the kosher refrigerator. You observe with alarm as the man absentmindedly takes two deli sandwiches out of the refrigerator and puts them into his shopping cart. Obviously, he has not been to this supermarket since the kosher section was moved some two months ago.
Those two deli sandwiches are treife (non-kosher).

What should you do?

Obviously, says the Chofetz Chaim, there really is no choice. Every bite of meat that the man would eat would be another sin. The only thing to do is to stop him before he takes the first bite.

And it is the same with lashon hara, says the Chofetz Chaim. If someone were to approach you and begin relating something that is heading towards lashon hara, the mitzvah of tochachah (offering reproof) requires that you stop him immediately. “Excuse me,” you can say, “I don’t mean to be rude, but please don’t tell me any more about this. The halachah does not permit me to listen.”

The Chofetz Chaim says that allowing the person to relate his lashon hara and then telling him, “You really should not have said that,” is comparable to allowing the man to eat his treife sandwich and then telling him that he has just eaten non-kosher food.

You are sitting in shul on Shabbos afternoon on a long summer day, after Shalosh Seudos and before Maariv. In the front of the shul, the rav is sitting at the head of the table about to begin his weekly halachah shiur. In the back of the shul, four men are engaged in what appears to be a very enjoyable conversation. You know these men; unfortunately, they are not careful with their words. They enjoy telling funny stories about people whom they all know.
You know that the right thing is to attend the rav’ s shiur. But that conversation in the back looks so inviting ….

The Torah states:”To Him you shall cleave” How does a person attach himself to Hashem? By attaching himself to talmidei chachamim. We should associate with talmidei chachamim at every opportunity so that we will be influenced by them and learn from their ways. In our example, if the person makes the wrong choice and goes to the back of the shul to listen to lashon hara, he has also transgressed the mitzvah

IN A NUTSHELL

We are obligated to stop others from speaking lashon hara.
We should not associate with groups who engage in forbidden con­versation.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Preface: Positive Commandments

As the saying goes, truth is stranger than fiction. That certainly was true in “The Case of the Disappearing Cookies.”

Some 20 years ago, an eighth-grade yeshivah student returned to class after recess and discovered that a bag of cookies was missing from his desk. Only one boy had remained in the classroom during recess, and he denied any knowledge of what had happened to the cookies. The cookies’ owner found this impos­sible to believe. “They were in my desk when I left the room at the beginning of recess, and you admit that no one was in the room during recess other than yourself. And yet, you claim that you have no idea where my cookies are. I’ll tell you where they are — you ate them!”

As soon as the rebbi entered the classroom, the student rushed over to him, pointed a finger at the other boy, and shouted, “He stole my cookies!”

The mystery was solved a few minutes later when another rebbi walked into the room and said, “You are not going to believe what I saw. I was walking by this classroom a few minutes ago when I noticed a squirrel scampering along the window ledge. Suddenly, it began to jump from desk to desk until it came to that desk” — and he pointed — “and took out a bag of cookies! I was amazed by the squirrel’s sense of smell; it knew exactly in which desk there was food.

“I watched it disappear out the window as it dragged the bag with its teeth.”

The owner of the cookies meekly apologized to the other boy.

The Torah states, ”Judge your fellow favorably.” From here, we learn the obligation to give others the benefit of the doubt. If we see an average Jew do something that has an even chance of being either good or bad, we must assume that he has not done anything bad. If he is known as a yarei Shamayim (G-d-fearing person), then even if it seems more likely that he has done wrong, we are obligated to give him the benefit of the doubt.

In our story, the owner of the cookies had no proof that the other boy had done anything wrong. By telling the rebbi, “He stole my cookies!” he was guilty of speaking lashon hara and of not giving the boy the benefit of the doubt.

What he could have done was to report to the rebbi that his cookies were missing and that the rebbi might want to speak to the boy who had remained in the room. The boy probably would have told the rebbi that he was absorbed in a book and would not have noticed if anyone had quietly stepped into the room during recess. (He certainly would not have noticed a squirrel scampering along the desks.)

There are more serious situations where lashon hara involves multiple sins:

Mr. and Mrs. Smolner hired Yanky and his crew to rip out the old floor in their dining room and replace it with a new wood floor. The Smolners were not fully pleased with the finished product and they asked for a reduction in price. Yanky insisted that the finished product was fine and demanded the full price that had been agreed upon. Mr. Smolner paid the full price, but at every opportunity, he told others that Yanky did mediocre work. Yanky’s business suffered because of this.

The Torah states, “… You shall hold on to him-a ger and resident-so that he can live with you… and let your brother live with you.” From these verses we learn that we are commanded to help our fellow Jew to earn a livelihood. We should offer him a loan or a gift of money so that his business will be successful; we should offer him work or become partners in a business venture with him. We should do whatever possible to save him from falling into a situation where he cannot support his family and would sink into poverty.

In our example, Mr. Smolner is doing the opposite. He is ruining Yanky’s reputation and causing others to decide not to hire him. If Mr. Smolner truly feels that he was cheated, he can go to beis din and ask them to summon Yanky to a din Torah (court case). Ruining another person’s good name is not the Torah way and is a transgression of the mitzvos mentioned above.

IN A NUTSHELL
Speaking lashon hara can result from not judging others favorably, and can damage another person’s livelihood, a most serious sin.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Preface: Positive Commandments

Among the 613 mitzvos is the command,“Remember what Hashem, your G-d, did to Miriam on the way when you left Egypt.” Miriam was stricken with tzara’as after she criticized her brother, Moshe Rabbeinu, in a private conversation with her brother Aharon HaKohen. She criticized Moshe because she misjudged him; she did not realize that because Moshe’s level of prophecy was greater than that of any prophet who ever lived, he needed to live a dif­ferent kind of life. By misjudging him, she was guilty of speaking lashon hara.

When discussing the mitzvah to remember this incident, Ramban writes:

The Torah commands that we remember the great punishment that Hashem brought upon the righteous prophetess [Miriam], who spoke only against her brother, with whom she did kindness and whom she loved like her own self; and she did not speak in his presence, which would have embarrassed him, nor she did she speak about him in public. She spoke only between herself and her holy brother [Aharon] in private, yet all her good deeds did not help her [to escape punishment for speaking lashon hara]. So too, you will not escape punishment if you speak to your brother against your fellow Jew.

The mitzvah of “Love your fellow as yourself,” is “the great rule of the Torah,” as the Tanna R’ Akiva said. Sefer HaChinuch calls this “the mitzvah of ahavas Yisrael.”

In the Chofetz Chaim’s words:

We are commanded to be concerned for someone else’s money as we would be for our own; to be concerned for his honor and to speak his praises the same way that we are concerned for our own honor.
When someone speaks lashon hara or rechilus about his fellow Jew, or accepts lashon hara or rechilus — even if the information is true — he shows clearly that he does not love him at all. Surely, he has not fulfilled the requirement of this verse [meaning, to love the person like one’s own self].

The Chofetz Chaim makes a powerful point. No one is perfect; we all have faults. Yet no one wants others to know about his faults in the slightest way. If someone were to discover one of my faults and tell someone else about it, I would be thinking, “Oh, how I hope that he won’t believe what was said about me!”

Yet, this fault that I want so badly to keep a secret is only a fraction of all the faults I possess. It is only because I care about myself so much that I don’t want anyone to think of me in a bad light.

This is the way we have to think when it comes to another person’s honor. We must protect his dignity and make no mention of his faults.

 

IN A NUTSHELL
We must learn a lesson from Miriam’s mistake.
When we speak lashon hara, we transgress the mitzvah of ahavas Yisrael.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Preface: Negative Commandments

Flattery will get you nowhere” is how the saying goes. In this segment, the Chofetz Chaim teaches us that flattery can, in fact, accomplish a lot — in the negative column.

Mr. Degelman has applied for a job in a thriving company owned by Mr. Stern. It is a prominent,high-paying job, and Mr. Degelman wants it very badly.
One day as he is walking out of shul, he overhears Mr. Stern mention that he is not on speaking terms with Mr. Rothberg because of a financial disagreement. “Ah,” Mr. Degelman says to himself, “this is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for.” He approaches Mr. Stern and says, “You know, not many people are aware of this, but I happen to know that a couple of weeks ago, Rothberg made a major blunder in the investment market and is still trying to recoup his losses.”
“Is that so?” Mr. Stern responds. “Serves him right, that good-for-nothing. And I wonder if his losses have anything to do with his cheating me.Thanks for the information.”

The Torah states,”and you shall not flatter the land.” According to some Rishonim (Early Commentators), this verse forbids false flattery. In our example, Mr. Degelman has engaged in flattery to win favor with Mr. Stern.

If Mr. Degelman had acted according to the Torah, he would have tried to find a way to make peace between the two men. Or, says the Chofetz Chaim, he might have gently attempted to explain the tragedy of machlokes (strife) to Mr. Stern. Instead, he spoke lashon hara and possibly added fuel to the fire by giving Mr. Stern new reason to think he was cheated.

Mr. Degelman’s real problem is a lack of emunah (faith in Hashem). If he truly believed that how much he earns and what job he holds is decreed in Heaven, he would not have engaged in such shameful behavior as a way of getting the position that he wanted so badly.

Sometimes, says the Chofetz Chaim, it is the listener of lashon hara who is guilty of flattery.

Stanley’s boss, Ben Walder, has just ended a business meeting with Chaim Bern, a member of Stanley’s shul. The meeting did not go well and Walder did not get the deal he had been hoping for. He is angry. Mr. Walder approaches Stanley and says, “I understand you know this Bern fellow — he’s been president of your shul for three straight years. How was he ever elected? He is the most miserable, stubborn, haughty person I’ve ever met! You know what I mean — right?”
Stanley smiles, meekly nods his head, and says, “Yes, yes, I know what you mean.” In his heart he is thinking, “The truth is that Chaim Bern is a very nice person; it’s for good reason that he’s been our shul president for the past three years. But I don’t want to get on my boss’s bad side. I have no choice but to agree with whatever he says.”

Of course, Stanley is absolutely wrong. He should have responded to his boss’s tirade by saying, “Sir, I don’t mean to be disrespectful and I certainly don’t want to anger you, but Chaim Bern really is a wonderful person.” It is possible that his boss would have sharply rebuked him— but that would have been a small price to pay for upholding the Torah. As our Sages teach, “Better to be called a fool all your life and not be considered wicked before Hashem even for an hour.”

At worst, Stanley would have been fired. A Jew is required to surrender all his money rather than transgress a single lo sa’seh (negative commandment). Yes, getting fired would have been difficult. But one must believe b’emunah shleimah (with perfect faith) that in the long run, one does not lose from fulfilling the will of Hashem

The Torah states, “Do not curse a deaf person. As Rashi teaches the Torah in fact forbids us to curse any Jew. If someone loses his temper at someone and in the process not only speaks lashon hara about him but also curses him, he has transgressed this sin as well.

IN A NUTSHELL
We must be on guard not to speak or listen to lashon hara as a means of gaining approval.
Speaking lashon hara can sometimes involve the lowly act of cursing another Jew.

 -A project of  Mesorah Publications –